Thursday 8 February 2018

I Rate My Jams

I have been wondering how to rate my jams - the 11 jars plus one of blackcurrant I received from my Longest Serving Friend for my birthday. Five jars in, and I'm in danger of losing the plot. I haven't been sure how to do the rating - I've been mulling over categories such as 'Jamminess', 'Blackcurrantiness', 'Jamminess' ... and generally going around in circles. 

Inspired by marking some assignments, I have decided to use categories I'm used to - ones which are used to judge essays. The four categories are:

Presentation - How's the look of the thing, the grammatical integrity of its label?
Structure - how do the blackcurrants sit together? Is there a sense of flow and logic?
Content - How relevant is the jam to the question set?
Knowledge and understanding - Does the jam understand what it's trying to do?

The table below is a work in progress. I'm five jars in, seven blissful more jars to go.

 

Type
Presentation
Structure
Content
Knowledge and Understanding
St Dalfour


Slim and elegant
 Untested




Hartley’s
Predictable and shapely
Loose – random placement of blackcurrants in a thick enough syrup.
Blackcurrant-lite compared to the others but maybe not compared with budget versions which my LSF didn't consider birthday material
This jam does not understand that it’s a jam. It thinks it’s a form of entertainment
Fortnum and Mason

Conservative and purposeful
A dense, thick jam. More of a spread, with its own definition of integrity
Blackcurrant-superior-and-don’t-you-know-it
This jam, whilst rich and privileged, lacks self-awareness. It approaches toast as if it is triangular and crustless
Wilkin & Sons Ltd
Traditional yet stylish
A delightful texture which accommodates to any surface: toast, bread, spoon, tongue
Blackcurrant-just-right.
The baby bear of blackcurrant jams. This jam can do no wrong, but it is risk-averse.
Meridian
worthy and lower case
 Untested




Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference
Get your act together, Sainsbury’s
Somehow, the blackcurrants are whole and plump
Tart and sweet. Best of both.
This jam has the maturity to know when to lay it on thick. Every spoonful is a coming of age.
Streamline
Oh pl-eeease! Streamline! I like the lid, though.
 Untested




Waitrose
You know how I feel about Waitrose
 Untested




Waitrose Duchy Organic
Jam is a classist issue
 Untested




M & S
Come on M&S. Get in a new graphic designer. Maybe my friend Pixie.
 Untested




Bonne Maman
Perfect. Does what it says on the jar. But what about Bon Papa?
 Untested




Goetre Farm
Perfectly acceptable home-made appearance
Perfectly acceptable home-made structure
Perfectly acceptable  home-made content
Perfectly acceptable  home-made understanding of jam

2 comments:

  1. Bleary-eyed and weary when this inboxed at 04.24, initial hopes In Nottingham were for a useful survey of warm winter nightwear...
    The table's good as far as it goes (overview) but lacks the all important 'Performance if product fingered from the jar and gobbed surreptitiously' (suggestion for future improvement).

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    Replies
    1. A pyjama blog - now there's an idea .... thanks Paul. And thanks for the new jam eating tip.

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