Monday, 22 December 2025

I Choose A Hound For Life, Not Just For Christmas

Poor Francis Thompson. His poem "The Hound of Heaven" speaks of a soul pursued by the Divine. He must've lived exhausted. The poem tells of fleeing the Hound through space and time, hurrying through his mind and emotions. It begins:

"I fled Him down the nights and down the days

I fled Him down the arches of the years

I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways

Of my own mind, and in the midst of tears

I hid from him, and under running laughter.

Up vistaed hopes I sped and shot precipitated

Adown titanic glooms of chasme'd fears

From those strong feet that followed, follwed after

But with unhurrying chase and unperturbe'd pace,

Deliberate speed, majestic instsancy,

They beat, and a Voice beat

More instant than the feet:

All things betray thee who betrayest me."

And on it goes. This text was one of those set for my English Literature O level back in 1980. I was class expert in the sort of doctrinal information that got me top marks in essays about Poems of Faith and Doubt. But what strikes me on reading the poem again (after a reflective moment in which it sprang to mind) is that I didn't know, and wasn't taught, to apply the word co-dependency to the Hound / Pursued relationship. And if I knew anything about stalking it was something to do with deer, not frightening, unwanted attention. If I was commenting on The Hound of Heaven now, I might say in my essay that a restraining order on that Hound is long overdue

If you've ever been pursued by someone who purports to love you, if you've been hassled, threatened by a person-thinks-they're-god, who won't just leave you alone, who doesn't respect your simplest boundaries, then this poem, which is at one level praising the persistence of divine love, will send a chill to your heart, as it does now to mine. 

If you've ever had this said to you, "I love you so much I'll harm myself if you don't XYZ...," then the whole Hound-poem thing looks more terrifying and manipulative than pinnacle of Victorian ode-writing. No wonder Francis was "sore adread". No wonder he, in the absence of twenty-first century trauma-informed therapy, capitulated to the Hound in the end. No wonder even the care of others who rated his poetry couldn’t help him give up his opium addiction. 

I'm sorry, but English Literature O level notwithstanding, I think The Hound of Heaven a ghastly poem. I know it was written in a different era. I know it rhymes, and is an extended metaphor, and is thought be great, particularly by those who share Thompson’s faith, but that's not enough to redeem it for me.

I'm grateful, nevertheless, that the poem exists for this reason:Thompson and his Dangerous Dog highlight the importance of choosing the right hound to live alongside. One that's cool, self-sufficient, has a band of kind and reliable archetypal friends. A dog who sleeps on his back atop his kennel, listens to Woodstock speaking in Bird, writes novels, and recognises, and has compassion for, human foibles. Most of all, a hound who is at peace with his own doggy, dogged nature, and doesn't feel the need to capture and dominate others. 

So, Snoopy! I choose Snoopy as my hound for Christmas, and for life. 



NB - I searched for copyright-free images of Snoopy ... so I'm aware this isn't a Schulz original! 



Wednesday, 10 December 2025

I "Do What [I] Damn Well Please"

When Suzanne invited me to see Lambrini Girls (punk band Phoebe Lunny and Selin Macieira-Bosgelmez) at Birmingham's XOYO night club the other weekend, I said yes without really knowing. It was a bit Molly Bloom of me. Yes! I said, Yes! 

I'd never been to a punk gig before, just like there are a lot of things I've never done before. There's an advantage to having spent my youthful years wrapped up in church being told what I could and couldn’t do / say / think. There’s so much I like yet to discover. Hallelujah! 

Sixty was the new sixteen in that night club among a diverse age-group of parents and teenagers: people living and reliving their youths. And even better, the day before I got to walk with Suzanne on the beach. We spent the afternoon in Aberdyfi in the clear November sunshine. It was the perfect, peaceful preparation...

... for the noise of it! The exultant, white, brash, crashing, strident, energetic noise of drums and bass and guitar and that voice (what a voice!) calling out the patriarchy, misogyny, injustice, racism, homophobia ... and there was tenderness too, and joy, and hurt and crowd-surfing and an enormous mosh pit, and all of it LOUD and PASSIONATE and UNAPOLOGETIC! 

It's the un-apology that mesmerised me. And when I opened a birthday card from my younger son yesterday, he framed the thought for me in a way I could apply immediately: Have a lovely day Mum, “doing what you damn well please!” Something about his turn of phrase, the love expressed, opened up my birthday in that moment. I'd planned, for example, to postpone my present-opening till the evening when his big brother would be home. "But I please to know what my presents are now!" I thought, so I damn well opened them over breakfast, and I'm so glad I did, and I knew my sons would be too. What I found was that there are people who clearly know and care about me. So much thoughtfulness in the givings. It made me very damn pleased.

I’d already planned to take the train (I damn well like trains) with my friend Paul (a damn good fellow) to Aberdyfi (thank you for the reminder, Suzanne, that Aberdyfi pleases me). Before boarding, I had damn pleasing coffee and a bacon roll at Shrewsbury Coffeehouse. I took pens and paper on the train and we did some damn writing and drawing. (My drawing has all the characteristics of someone who damn well doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Paul's is sophisticated, funny, and elegant).

In Aberdyfi, I went into the pleasing sea. Damn! It was invigorating! I got wet up to my neck by lying down in it as it was too damn dangerous to go in deep. I pleased myself, eating fish and chips and bara brith, bought a set of chalks, and ginger beer. Paul ate fish and chips and bara brith too, so I think he was damn well pleasing himself, but that's for him to say. The trains ran through storm Bram unapologetically, as pretty much on time as they cared to be. 

At the Lambrini Girls gig, I couldn't take my eyes off mic-brandishing Lunny and her embodied fury, intellect, and too-small-shirt/bare-midriff-fragility. To be so certainly herself - how does she do that, I wondered.  How to care and not to care? I'm damn pleased I learned more about that on yesterday's journey. 

Happy damn pleasing train-swim-fish&chip days to all of us: girls, women, others, Lambrini or not. May there by many happy, damn pleasing, returns.